Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
