Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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