i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish you could order shots online.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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