you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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