dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
