no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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