I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
