Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
a search helicopter?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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