just come out here and I will go home with you...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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