Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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