I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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