i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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