The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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