Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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