would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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