then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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