I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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