I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
