Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
