Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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