so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
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i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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