I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
