so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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