i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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