He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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