It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
