You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
