my phone needs a breathalizer
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
