i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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