Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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