they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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