i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
