mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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