Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
