Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
