Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
