I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
