if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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