why do cheetos always look like penises
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
