3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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