Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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