Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
