I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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