my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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