I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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