so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
