...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
