I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the day after is always just damage control
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
