Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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