Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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