college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
