I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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