Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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