nut hugger
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
