Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
