ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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