she woke up with a sticky ear
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're breaking my sexual little heart
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
