worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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