Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
