I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
