i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
