I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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