we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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