i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die, sorry about rent.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
