I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
