He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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