Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
