I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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